Sheer Existence, Part II


Eyes cast down

I slowly look around

Fearful of every

and any glance.

My heart shown

displayed to all

yet the ones I give it to

do not see me at all.

But whatever.

Heart squashed

Soul lost

Memories forsake me

like a lover crossed.

I wish I did

I wish I would

I wish that I

would just convince


that I could.

But it’s too late

I hear a voice

inside me say

And to this I wonder

almost every other day.

Move on

I should

but to what?

Confidence I sorely lack

to build up the courage to ask.

Yet even when I do

I almost always seem to get

rejected like a fool.

I have a boyfriend

I don’t want one

I have to wash my hair

I have to feed my cat

I have to go get one.

I wonder

I wait

I have to say that

I hate

it when they do this

even though they may like me

or something.

The Other Half

I understand not

which is not a surprise

since I myself

confuse me a lot.

Even as I find myself

deep in reflection

I find that my words

are in need of correction.

Is it love?

Is it lust?

Is it lost memories

that forsake me thus?

Lovers lost

Some never to be had

but I like to think that

just maybe

I can’t be all that bad.

Originally written on 1998.04.27